Words Can Hurt: A Plea to the Ruby Community

27·09·2025

I’ve been watching the recent drama within the Ruby community slowly devolve in the last few days into name-calling and virtue-signalling, and frankly just plain silliness. I won’t repeat here the details of the disagreement, and I won’t link to any posts written about what’s happened.

It is clear to me that some of this has to do with business interests of the different parties involved, some of this has to do with political views, and some of this apparently also has to with a clash of personalities. But what really troubles me is not the details of the disagreements themselves, however strongly each of us may feel about them, but rather how people have come to treat each other over these disagreements.

While some people have been very vocal about what’s happening, I believe many people have been keeping quiet not because they don’t care, or because they don’t have an opinion about the issue at hand, but because there’s a growing sense of violence - verbal violence, and people are afraid if they express themselves they’ll become targets for this violence. In fact, I’m pretty sure when this article is published I’ll become a target too. But I need to speak up.

Words Can Hurt

A lot of people have reacted very strongly to DHH’s recent post about London, which I’ll get to in a moment, but I’d like to address an earlier post of his, which is in my eyes more relevant to the present moment. In “Words are not violence”, David talks about the murder of Charlie Kirk, and how some people have justified this horrific act of violence as a response to Charlie’s words:

What I cannot come to terms with, though, is the modern equation of words with violence. The growing sense of permission that if the disagreement runs deep enough, then violence is a justified answer to settle it. That sounds so obvious that we shouldn’t need to state it in a civil society, but clearly it is not.

Needless to say I agree with David that an argument or disagreement can never serve as an excuse for physical violence. But I cannot agree that words cannot be violent, they can, and unfortunately violent speech is becoming more and more present in public discourse.

For the sake of discussion let’s define verbal violence as any speech that you would not wish on people dear to you, yourself included - name calling, hurtful remarks, etc.

Verbal violence can be just as hurtful as physical violence - calling someone a Nazi, a facist, a loony, stupid, retarded, and even worse is violent. Verbal abuse can also in some cases be illegal. You can think it’s quite harmless to call someone names, but when done repeatedly it can incite other people to physical violence (as in the case of the late Charlie Kirk, or MLK, or Gandhi), or even cause people to commit suicide.

We All Should Strive for Compassion

Look, I believe that human kind is naturally kind and good. We all need to be loved and respected, we all want dignity, we all want to have a peaceful, meaningful life. No one wants to be despised or called names, so why do we do this to each other? We should treat each other with respect and compassion.

I’ve read David’s London post and was hurt. I’m an immigrant, so I know how hard it is to be one, how hard it is to start a new life in a country where you sometimes don’t even know the language, don’t have any network of friends and family to rely on, where you don’t know the social ettiquete, where you don’t know how to deal with the government, where your legal situation may be precarious.

I know that immigration is a complex subject, I know that immigration sometimes has negative effects on the so-called “native” population (which itself may be composed of 2nd- or 3rd generation immigrants). I know that sometimes immigration engenders crime. But then again, I also know those people, some of whom have have been through hell, some of whom have had their lives broken, all need dignity. Nobody wants to spend entire days out on the street in idleness. They all want to have a dignified, productive life.

There’s of course a lot more to be said about immigration, this can’t be summarized in the space of two paragraphs. But what I want to say is that we should all give each other the benefit of the doubt, and assume that our interlocutor is naturally good. When I meet a stranger, I want to be able to treat them with compassion, not only for their sake, but also for my sake. And if you’re reading this and you’re still bitter and cynical about my words, here are some quotes for you from greater and smarter people than me:

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools. Every individual must learn this, and every nation must learn this. - Martin Luther King

Do to others as you would have them do to you. - Jesus

You shall not hate your brother in your heart. - Leviticus 19, 17

David, if you’re reading this, I don’t know you personally, but I’ve been a fan of your work for many years. I still am. Like many others, I started programming in Ruby because of you. I think you’re a true visionary, and I think in many ways you’ve revolutionized how web apps are built. I really admire your work. But your words have hurt me, and they have hurt others.

I don’t hate you, I’m not even mad at you, I’m just sad that a person in your position would not think their words through before saying them out loud. I know you are opinionated, and I believe you mean well, but please consider that even if you have strong convictions about political and societal matters, how you express them can have a lot of impact on the community, and on people who look up to you.

How should an immigrant who uses Ruby on Rails feel when you basically accuse them of causing crime and of ruining London? How can they read your message as anything but racist when you reduce them to “a statistic as evident as day when you walk the streets of London now”? (How can it be evident if it were not for their skin color, or their clothes?) Should people of color feel welcome at all at RailsWorld? Should they feel welcome at 37signals?

I know you were hurt by people calling you a Nazi, because you wrote about it. I would be hurt too. Nothing that you said can justify that, nothing that you said can justify any violent act towards you. But that is exactly the point, words can hurt, words can be violent!

So I ask you, please think about your words, and think about your message. As BDFL of Rails (and you do this marvelously well when it’s about technology), you have a responsibility to the community. You are responsible for making everybody feel welcome and included. I really hope my words find their way to your heart.

A Plea to the Ruby Community

And to the Ruby community in general, I’d like to say this: please stop the name-calling, please stop vilifying people. There’s a big difference between saying a person is expressing racist views (which can be debated rationally) and saying a person is a “Nazi” (which doesn’t allow any kind of debate). Name-calling will not stop racism, name-calling will not rectify the situation, and reducing another person to a label such as “Nazi”, “facist” etc is to me just as bad as racist speech. Being called names doesn’t give you the right to do the same. For the sake of us all, let’s return to a calm and respectful discourse, if not in society at large, then at least in the Ruby community.

I’m also really hopeful that the people behind the recent debacle around Ruby Central find the courage in their hearts to come together and work on a solution that will be acceptable to everybody involved, and that will bring relief to the community. It is incumbent upon all of us to do our part to arrive at a peaceful resolution.

It is not for you to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it. - Rabbi Tarfon, Pirkey Avot

That’s it, I will not speak publicly any further on this subject. If you want to talk to me privately, please feel free to contact me. I leave you with the following words from another great visionary:

Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words. Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions. Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits. Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values. Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny. - Mahatma Gandhi